Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
