I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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