Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
