im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
