I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
