for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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