She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
