It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
