dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
