Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
