I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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