you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
