i need an iv and a liver transplant
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it's great music for shaving your balls
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
