That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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