nut hugger
wrigley field is MILF paradise
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
