Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
