Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
