you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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