I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
