All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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