"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
operation harelip BJ is a go
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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