Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize