but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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