I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
