matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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