Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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