I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
