Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
