dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
