This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
