dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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