***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
