I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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