I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
