I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
