Yo dont text me then not text me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
