your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
