Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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