Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
