why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
