Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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