god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
