ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
