In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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