She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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