I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
