i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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