Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
