I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
