Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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