I want to have your abortion
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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