im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
