I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
