GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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