So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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