I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
