Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
