I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
