I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
