Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
